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How To Get Your Partner “In The Mood”

Explore practical tips and suggestions for reigniting the spark. Try any combination of the following, and you will be back on the road to romance.

Published: April 24, 2023

Author: Admin

As you walk into your bedroom, you can't help but feel a sense of anticipation. All you want is to cuddle up with your partner and feel them against you as you slip under the covers.

You turn towards your partner and feel your heart skip a beat. Their soft eyes lock with yours and a smile creeps up on your face. You can't help but feel drawn to them as their fingers brush against your cheek.

Suddenly, their expression changes, and you can sense their reluctance. "I had a really long day," they say, letting out a sigh. You can't help but feel disappointed, the excitement that had been building up in your chest now rapidly deflating.

Their words are like a dagger to your heart. 

As the minutes tick by, you can't shake off the feeling of disappointment. You had hoped for a connection with your partner tonight, but now it seems like an unattainable dream. The weight of their rejection takes its toll.

It's Not Because They Don’t Love You 

Intimacy is a vital part of any romantic relationship, but it's common for couples to struggle to get in the mood. If you address the problem, it is easy to avoid falling into a rut that can be difficult to get out of.

Sexless marriages and relationships are common due to various factors, such as physical and emotional intimacy issues, relationship problems, work stress, health problems, and changes in sexual desire or function. 

That being said, stress is the number one reason for low libido and can cause havoc in various physical and emotional aspects of life, including sexual health. It can cause fatigue, anxiety, and depression, which can interfere with sexual intimacy. 

Chronic stress can also disrupt hormone levels and decrease testosterone production, which is essential for sexual health in both men and women. Therefore, to minimise the impact of stress on libido, it is necessary to adopt healthy coping strategies, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, therapy, and to prioritise self-care and stress management.

Whether it's you or your partner (or even both of you) facing this problem, you need to support each other to get through it. By focusing on personal growth together, it’s possible to change the narrative and foster a better sex life. 

This article will explore practical tips and suggestions for reigniting the spark. Try any combination of the following, and you will surely be back on the road to romance.

10 Ways To Help You Get In The Mood

  1. Communication: 

Effective communication is key to expressing your desires and needs in any relationship, and intimacy is no exception. If you're looking for more intimacy with your partner, it's better to approach the topic with empathy and understanding. 

Start by setting aside private time with your partner to discuss your feelings and desires. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel like we haven't been as intimate lately, and I really miss that connection with you." Be open to hearing your partner's perspective and listen to their needs and concerns as well. 

It's important to remember that intimacy can mean different things to different people, so it's essential to have a clear and open dialogue about what you both want and need. Then, by tackling the topic with care and respect, you can create a safe space for both partners to express their desires and work together towards a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.

  1. Set the mood

Setting a romantic mood in the bedroom can be a fun and intimate way to create a special atmosphere for you and your partner. Consider adding some romantic mood lighting, such as soft lamps or candles, to create a warm and cosy atmosphere. 

You can also play soft and relaxing music to set the tone. Adding some decorative touches, such as fresh flowers or a comfortable throw blanket and clean linen, can also contribute to the overall ambience. 

Consider using scents, such as essential oils to enhance the sensory experience and clear the room of any distractions, such as electronics or clutter. 

Remember, the key is to create an environment that allows you and your partner to focus on each other and enjoy each other's company.

  1. Show affection

Showing affection through touch is fundamental to building a solid and intimate relationship. Gentle physical contact, such as holding hands, hugging, or cuddling, can help increase feelings of closeness and comfort. 

Giving your partner a massage or simply touching their hair or face can also be a way to express affection. In addition to these more intimate forms of touch, small gestures, such as a pat on the back or a quick kiss on the cheek, can also help show affection and reinforce your connection. 

When showing affection through touch, try to be attentive to your partner's preferences and comfort levels. For example, some people may prefer more physical affection, while others may prefer less. By communicating openly and honestly, you can ensure your partner feels loved and appreciated. Touch can be a powerful tool in strengthening your bond and showing affection for your partner.

  1. Be present

Being present with your partner goes a long way in ensuring a relationship with a warm, loving romance. It involves actively listening to and engaging with your partner without distractions or interruptions. 

This involves putting away your phone or turning off the TV during conversations, making eye contact and showing empathy and understanding. Being present with your partner can help you be mindful of your thoughts and emotions to focus on the present moment. 

You can also plan special activities that allow you to focus on each other, such as taking a walk together, cooking a meal together, or simply sitting and talking somewhere with a nice view.

By being fully present with your partner, you can deepen your connection and create a more meaningful and intimate relationship by showing your partner that you value their presence.

  1. Create anticipation with a surprise date.

Planning a unique date for your partner can be a great way to reignite the spark in your relationship. To make a date special, think outside the box and consider unique and meaningful activities for both of you. 

You can revisit a special place from your past, like the place where you first met or had your first date, or try a new activity that you have both always wanted to do, like skydiving or taking a hot air balloon ride. 

Another idea is to plan a fun and playful activity, like a scavenger hunt or a game night, or to create an experience focused on one of your shared passions, like hiking or visiting a museum.

To make a date unique, consider personalising it by incorporating elements that are special to your relationship, such as creating a playlist of songs that are significant to you. By planning a unique and memorable date, you can create an opportunity to connect with your long-term partner and strengthen your relationship.

  1. Give compliments

Making your partner feel secure through genuine compliments is a simple but powerful way to strengthen your relationship. Start by paying attention to your partner and noticing things you admire about them, such as their strengths, qualities, and accomplishments. 

When you express your compliments, make sure they are specific, meaningful, and genuine. For example, instead of saying "You look beautiful today," you could say "I love the way your smile lights up the room, it's so beautiful." 

Avoid using vague or generic compliments, and instead, focus on what makes your partner unique and special to you. 

Choose to be their cheerleader who helps them believe in themselves past their insecurities, not making them feel flawed for having them in the first place. By expressing to your partner that you truly appreciate and admire them, you can help build their confidence and make them feel more secure in your relationship.

  1. Explore new things

Exploring new things sexually with your partner can be a great way to bring excitement and intimacy to your relationship. 

To start, try having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your desires and fantasies. This can involve discussing your interests and exploring new ideas while respecting and considering each other's comfort levels.

Consider trying new activities or positions, or order some toys and try incorporating couples' sex toys or props into your sexual experiences. You can also explore different forms of intimacy, such as sensual massages or role-playing. 

It is important to approach these new experiences with a spirit of curiosity and adventure and to remember that the goal is to have fun and deepen your connection with your partner. 

  1. Practice good hygiene

Good hygiene and grooming are important factors in maintaining sexual intimacy with your partner. Keeping yourself fresh as a daisy can help create a more pleasant and appealing environment for physical intimacy.

Personal grooming, such as showering regularly and taking care of your hair, skin and teeth, can also enhance your physical appearance and help you feel more confident and attractive. In addition, grooming can create a positive impression, and convey respect and consideration for your partner.

Do remember: our genitals do have a scent unique to us, which is perfectly natural. Do not use vaginal douches, scented lotions, or potions inside the vaginal canal - you will likely just cause an infection. If you want to use a flavoured lube or oil for oral use, ensure you only use it externally.

By caring for and loving your body, you will present yourself in the best light possible, and your partner will surely notice. 

  1. Watch something sexually enlightening.

And no, that doesn't just mean you have to watch porn together - unless you're into that then by all means! However, many shows and movies could help you and your partner be more mindful when it comes to sex and getting you in the mood.

Netflix is a great place to start with shows like “Principles of Pleasure” and “Sex, Love & Goop” or movies that should really be classified as softcore porn such as the “365” movies and of course good ol’ “Fifty Shades”. So next time you're infinitely scrolling to find something to watch, try putting on one of these and snuggling up next to your partner. 

Even if it doesn't spark off a heated tumble in the sheets, it may naturally spark up an interesting conversation about your sex life. 

Side note: If you want to watch porn but are deterred by the sleazy nature of the usual sites, try, which is a porn site made by women. There are little-to-no pop-ups which just makes the entire experience not feel shameful.

  1. Be spontaneous

Although many of these tips are a great way to get you in the mood, there is something incredibly powerful about spontaneity. Initiating can be difficult as most of us have a natural fear of rejection; however, sometimes, it is just as simple as taking your partner by the waist and plunging into a deep passionate kiss. 

Although it may sound paradoxical, with spontaneity - timing is everything. So for this to work, you will need to pick a good moment when all the conditions are right.

Plan your pounce as your partner gets out of the shower, or just after the kids go to bed. Wherever you can steal a quiet moment in your busy schedule is a win. 

Just remember, if it doesn't work, it is no one's fault. Your partner might not be in the right headspace for romance. Try not to take it personally and understand that intimacy is a journey - there will be another moment when your desires line up. So dust yourself off and try, try again. 

Yes, I like piña coladas, And gettin' caught in the rain.

Every relationship is different, and what works for one couple may not work for another. So the best advice we can give is don't give up and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Fueling the fire of desire takes effort and constant commitment. 

By taking some of these steps, you will figure out the formula that works for you. 

If you feel you are just not getting through on your own using these tools, it may be worth visiting a sex coach or therapist to help you navigate the obstacles keeping yourself and your partner from a deeper sexual connection. 

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